I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
