I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
