this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
