In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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