She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
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