I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
