Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
