So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
