She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
