Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
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