I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
