There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I want her autograph on my taint
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
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