My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
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