I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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