If i come over, it means nothing
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
