It's Friday. Sex?
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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