Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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