apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Randomize
