My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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