i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize