i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
