Can i not drive my cunt home
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
