If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Randomize
