yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
