Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
