I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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