Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
