Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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