Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
