haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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