i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
