I hope mine doesn't look like that
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Alive.
So much puke
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Drake has all the answers
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
So vagazzling was a success
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