He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize