Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Randomize
