im having a threesome with these popsicles
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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