PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
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