I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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