My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
