Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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