Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
