better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
