So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
