I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
