Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize