Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
