dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
