How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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