I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize