She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
