he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
