I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I didn't notice because vodka
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Randomize
