so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
