Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Hello my rib-scented angel!
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
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