Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
