I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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