I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
