I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
