i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
