I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
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