The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
