Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
