does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
