I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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