I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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