our cab driver is having phone sex.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
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