Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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