It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
