saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
What happened to fro yo and sex?
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Randomize
