Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Randomize
