if you like me you must not know who I am
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
