If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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