dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
