we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
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