And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
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