im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
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