i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
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