i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Randomize
