you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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