i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
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