here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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