I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
