At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
My vagina just recognized that song.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
