Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
