Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Randomize
