do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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